It is with little hesitation I am writing this piece entitled, “Penned in Pain.” It is an easy task to fill pages of paper with essays, stories about people and places, information, facts, and the likes but it is an uphill task to write on events that has happened or occurred in your personal life. Events that have redrawn the entire course of your life and for reasons good or bad, time is yet to decide. Sharing them in public may not be altogether welcome for reasons more than one. But, direct from the unfathomable chamber of my heart and not head, my composition is simpler and raw, less philosophical and more reckless than prudent. I am following the K.I.S.S. RULE- KEEP{ing} IT SHORT AND SIMPLE. I will opt to tag along brevity and precision as virtues of good write-up and relinquish pensiveness and abstraction as vices in my expression. It is so because there has been a lot of a misinterpretation of my words in the past, which has resulted in differences and soured my relationship with my friends and many others. My reckless use of words either orally or in the print have advertently or inadvertently hurt a lot of people. I am not here to perpetrate the same gaffe again. Here, I want to tell you all a small story..... story about a Star. Star that has inspired me in this path of life. A Star that constantly reminds me that in this rugged and desolate path of life one (I) should not to care nor should I fear anyone. It tells me, the sky may fall upon you but never should I quit. The story is...............
I was sitting silently in my terrace apartment, back in Shiv-Mandir, Siliguri. I was drinking my favorite cuppa - the green bio-organic. Two years past I had been forced to leave my birthplace, my home, my parents, my profession and my loved ones due to reasons more than one. In short, I am a victim of circumstances. Yes, political. I am surrounded by silence of night, the moon is shining and the sky is bright with the glittering of the stars. I am engulfed in the stillness of the night and so immersed in the vastness of the sky. But I am alone, all alone. Tears roll down my cheeks when I think that they consider me “anti”. Well, they have their own reasons and arguments to brand me so. Frankly, I am dazed and amazed as well. Such ignorance, and how do we say with our conscience that we are conscious. But time, as those wise men say, is the greatest healer and leveler. I deliberately choose to quote these lines to comfort my, all time low self-esteem.
the story continues…………
Surrounded by the darkness and the warmth of the earth and far behind me I could feel the green mountains from the foothill of Phankabari reaching for the sky. I had a note pad and with the help of the moon’s light I was scribbling the twinge of my heart. With my other hand I am hitting the mosquitoes, as they are sucking me dry. Every single drop of my blood is out-and-out for my leader and for our cause. Yes, the cause .While I looked up in the sky and sipped my tea, I focused my eyes on a Star, the Star was the brightest amongst the millions of others Star. This Star looked familiar and I wanted to speak and say so much to this Star. And while I looked at this Star, grief engulfed me from deep within as away from home I was alone and always very sad. And I said, “Star you have always followed me along... wherever I roamed yet I am a man so alone, without a home.” And then I lifted my head again and the Star had come a little closer to me and then it said, “ Don’t you see?” and I had to be honest and I said NO ....I don’t see, I don’t see me, I don’t see anything, I feel lost, I said. I have always followed the sun and then I see the stars at night and the moon shine right above me. I have lived, I said, in a world so fake.... that’s why I look often up into the sky to find some solace. Then the Star said. “I love you and I am always with you.” And again I had to be honest and said, “I don’t know and I cannot trust?” Then the Star spoke again and said, “The sun loves you and the moon and all the other planets.” I couldn’t believe my ears. I looked up into the sky and not only at the Star that spoke to me but to all the others and I started seeing more than I ever saw before. Millions of stars were shining brightly and on the right of me was the moon. And they all sang together, “We love you, come home soon.” Tears were rolling down my cheeks but no longer of sadness but I felt I will soon be going home. I no longer had that feeling that I was all alone and I kept opening my eyes more and more and above me I saw this great light and this light grew brighter and brighter and all of a sudden I could see no more. Now every night I go to my terrace to see the stars, I have never seen them so bright. It enlightens my inner darkness and the moon is so strong and powerful and day after day I pick up that Star..... one that spoke to me. The Star that first said, “I love thee.” I learned since then that this Star lives in me and that I live in that Star. The sun, the moon and all the celestial planets can leave me but not this STAR. And I want it to keep on shining brightly, forever and ever. But whenever I fail to see that Star I feel sad again and so alone. But I always know that this Star is not so far. And I speak to that Star all the time. I have learned he is not only mine but belongs also to you. Star like this cannot be privatized NOR personalised. This star is universal. Today it spoke to me and one day it will speak to you. It belongs to everyone. Whenever you are alone and you have so many scars and stories to tell..... so many things you still see at night and the pain is too great....just go to your roof top and raise your head to see the open sky, there is a star right above you.
This is the story I want to tell.
